If you're lonely, you're not alone. Loneliness is reaching epidemic levels

Being lonely has affected every aspect of 20-year-old David's life.

Content warning: This article discusses mental health.

He feels debilitated in his studies, has changed his job, and started going to therapy.

"My work felt less meaningful and like I didn't get recognised because I was less close with co-workers."

While he's always struggled to navigate friendships and recalls feeling lonely at certain points of his life when he was younger, David said for the last year-and-a-half, the loneliness has been the worst it's ever been.

David, who asked for his real name not to be shared for privacy reasons, isn't alone in his loneliness.

The recent Breaking Barriers study, commissioned by Age Concern, found that loneliness in New Zealand is reaching epidemic levels.

In New Zealand, loneliness is highest among those aged 15 to 24.

Researchers have found that the effects of loneliness increase the likelihood of premature mortality.

It's also been found that those who are lonely are 40% more likely to be diabetic, 13% more likely to smoke, 20% more likely to be less physically active, and 31% more likely to have high cholesterol.

Loneliness can also be related to social anxiety, depression, paranoia, dementia, and obsessive-compulsive symptoms.

It has become so much of an issue in some countries around the world, such as the UK and Japan, that they have appointed a government minister specifically for it and there's calls for New Zealand to do the same.

David lives in Auckland and he said social groups there tend to be quite exclusive and like a clique.

"I find it less accepting. There's this whole idea of 'we don't need anymore people in our friend group'.

"You have to be like everybody else [in the group] to be considered."

Through therapy, David said he has been working on self-acceptance. Because while he is quite confident in himself he doesn't want to lose that.

"I'm learning how to hold on to that in periods when I'm feeling excluded and learning ways to approach new groups that I'm not familiar with or accessing other groups that share interests with me."

Loneliness New Zealand was founded in 2018 when through bullying and suicide statistics the issue of loneliness became prominent.

The Auckland-based charity's chief executive Cathy Comber said loneliness affects all age groups and is particularly high within LGBTQI+ communities and among people with disabilities.

Loneliness isn't about how many friends you've got or being in a family, sometimes it's that you've got so low within your own well-being that it affects all other areas of your life, Comber said.

"And there's a loneliness loop where you push people away. Loneliness isn't just a matter of finding more friends for people.

"It's about focusing not just on how do we connect them with people, but it's about how confident they feel in groups and if they have the capacity to embrace new situations and challenges."

Comber said it's still early days when it comes to research for what is the best intervention for loneliness.

But because loneliness affects all age groups, it needs to be looked at from an individual approach rather than a one-size-fits-all when it comes to support, she said.

"It could be something as simple as needing a hearing aid to engage in conversation more or access to public transport."

Loneliness has an element of mental health, Comber said, and the more lonely you are, the more reserved you will become in groups or areas where there are plenty of opportunities to meet other people.

People are also scared to pick up the phone or talk to strangers on a bus, she said.

"Start by having conversations in the supermarket queue; small, short conversations with strangers can be meaningful.

"We can do so much as a society but we still need people to put themselves forward at an individual level."